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Please critique my short film

 
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Please critique my short film
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treyvollmer



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 488

Post Please critique my short film Reply with quote
*The Dark Horse is an underdog boxing story set to a fictional premise*

Fred "The Blob" Dukes battles his own lifelong demons on the way to the fight of his life. In steps Cassius Clay, ready to float, fly and sting like a bee. Will Dukes get buried in front of the New York City crowd, or will the God fearing pugilist meet his fate and claim his crown?

I would like to take a second to thank Stu for writing the DV REBEL'S GUIDE as it was a great source of inspiration in my quest to finish The Dark Horse. I have owned the book for a few years now, but just recently re-opened it. I have to say I was totally excited by the chapters on production value. My lead actors were two action figures, and my extras were played by G.I. Joes. I used 250 pros, LED lights and a white binder to bounce light onto my talent. There is a lot of dolliesque movement in this film. All of which was created by placing my GH1 and GH2 atop a place mat, which I then slid across my kitchen table to create the effect. I did my best to make this look and feel like a real movie because I wanted to see how far I could take it. This was a lot of work, and I would love to hear your constructive criticism.

Thank you,

Trey

http://vimeo.com/26144892


The Dark Horse by treyvollmer, on Flickr

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TV
Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:31 pm View user's profile Send private message
treyvollmer



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 488

Post Reply with quote
don't be shy...

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TV
Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:12 am View user's profile Send private message
tazer



Joined: 29 Jul 2008
Posts: 293
Location: miami florida

Post Reply with quote
yo man this was sick!
just headin out so no time right now for a play by play of critiques but i think it was great!

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AIM me!
Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:34 pm View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
treyvollmer



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 488

Post Reply with quote
tazer wrote:
yo man this was sick!
just headin out so no time right now for a play by play of critiques but i think it was great!


Right on, buddy! Thank you for watching, and hit me with the play by play when you get a chance:)

Trey

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TV
Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:59 pm View user's profile Send private message
drivingroad



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 4

Post Reply with quote
Hey Trey,
Cool piece! Liked the use of DOF, helped bring the Blob closer to us emotionally. Kind of reminded me of what Todd Haynes did with "Superstar" the Karen Carpenter story, using dolls to tell the story. It's probably my short attention span, but your piece felt like it could have been cut a little shorter. I've been working on a piece that's around 7 minutes too, and I feel like it's at the long end of a "short" these days. Anyway, great work, look forward to seeing more.
Dom
Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:52 pm View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
treyvollmer



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 488

Post Reply with quote
drivingroad wrote:
Hey Trey,
Cool piece! Liked the use of DOF, helped bring the Blob closer to us emotionally. Kind of reminded me of what Todd Haynes did with "Superstar" the Karen Carpenter story, using dolls to tell the story. It's probably my short attention span, but your piece felt like it could have been cut a little shorter. I've been working on a piece that's around 7 minutes too, and I feel like it's at the long end of a "short" these days. Anyway, great work, look forward to seeing more.
Dom


I hear you on the length thing. 7 minutes is definitely long for the niche that we're in. The internet crowd is a fast moving and distracted world... oh wait.... okay, sorry I had to take a text. Anyways thanks for watching and I'd like to hear what others have to say as I'm all about learning and perfecting my craft. I have so far to go, so please CRITIQUE!!!

Have a good week,

Trey

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TV
Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:55 pm View user's profile Send private message
crashandannie



Joined: 12 Aug 2007
Posts: 597
Location: Tallahassee, FL

Post Reply with quote
Agreed on the "too long" comment, especially the fight.

Beautiful black and white look. Nice choices on the lighting and angles.

The driving segments didn't seem to match the tone of the rest of the piece. I do see what you were trying to do, and it almost works for me, but that was the only part where the dolls (ok, ok... "action figures") jumped out of their world and it distracted me from the story.

Great job!

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Jamie
www.crashandannie.com
Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:40 am View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
treyvollmer



Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 488

Post Reply with quote
Thank you very much, Crash. It's interesting to get a fresh perspective because I have seen it a thousand times. Thanks for chiming in;)

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TV
Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:13 am View user's profile Send private message
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